I have literally NOTHING to write about, so I'm going to write an assorted list of facts I know that you probably don't care about.

1. Mermaids aren't real, but Animal Planet made this special mockumentary about them and they released a sequel last Sunday. Everyone's freaking out about it for some reason. Anyway, Paul McCartney is real, and I think that by itself is pretty amazing. 
2. In Japan in 1986, there was this one Kleenex commercial that was said to be evil because the actors in it died or had misfortune during or after its filming. That was said to be due to this baby who was dressed sort of like an ogre. Also, even though it was in English, people complained that the background music sounded like German swearing.
3. Keith Moon died... in the exact same room that Mama Cass Elliot died, at the same age, 4 years later. 
4. Mermaids still aren't real.
5. We're dissecting a squid in Science today... and get this. We're going to make it into calamari after we dissect it. We're going to cut it open, fry it, and eat it in 42 minutes with our own hands. I love the human race.
6. Chocolate releases special endorphins in your brain that make you happy. So people who don't like chocolate probably have brain chemical deficiencies or something.
   
7. Avocados do the same thing.
8. Napoleon Bonaparte was not actually 5'2, or 5'4, or whatever. When he died, his skeleton measured roughly 1.69 meters or 5'7, about average for a Frenchman of the time. His title "Le Petit Corporal" was a term of affection.
9. Everybody dies. Except Ian McKellen. And Keith Richards.
10. I'll never understand the human pathological attachment to the number 10. 

Today, I'm going to write about Emilee. I'm going to write it in the form of a song I already know called "Martha My Dear" by The Beatles!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay. Here goes.

To the tune of "Martha My Dear"
Emilee, you're weird
Sometimes you get in trouble for conversation, please
I'd say shut up
But that would be rude
And uncouth
Emilee, you're weird

Take a good look around you
Take a good look and see
That you and he
Were together for two weeks
You weird girl (do do do do do do do do)

Hold your phone up, you silly girl
Get it confiscated (do do do)
When you find yourself in lunch detention,
Remember that your hair looks better than you think
You weird girl (do do do do do do do do)

Emilee, you're weird
You are this blog post's inspiration, whee
Remember me
Emilee the Weird
Don't forget me
Emilee my dear

Original songwriting credits go to John Lennon and Paul McCartney.

Oh, gosh, happy Friday! On this week's edition of "Carson and Laura Switch Blogs", I'll be reflecting on my knowledge of Ben Bruce, the lead guitarist for one of her favorite bands, Asking Alexandria. As usual, I'll write in bullet-point style.

• When you Google Ben Bruce, the first Wikipedia page that comes up is about an old folk singer.
• He is in Asking Alexandria.
• He formed the band in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, which is strange, because he's English.
• I'm not sure who the lead singer for Asking Alexandria is, but I think James Cassells might be the drummer?
• This band is darker and less parent-friendly than the already-not-parent-friendly Sleeping With Sirens.
• Carson resents them because they haven't yet named their upcoming album, the first one in a while.
• Maybe last year or the year before they released an album of electronica versions of their already-released songs.
• Wait, I'm supposed to be talking about their guitarist...
• He has big eyes.
• He often wears a Led Zeppelin tanktop during shows. I don't know if I should like or dislike him for this.
• He probably lists Jimmy Page as one of his inspirations, or rather, influences. I've never listened to Asking Alexandria, but he's probably nowhere near as good.
• I don't understand his band's name. Who is Alexandria, and what are they asking her?
• I don't think he was ever in jail.
• They act questionably and have strange hair for publicity, probably.
• Their style is probably around a midpoint between the literally disgusting theatricality of Black Veil Brides and the normalcy of what Sleeping With Sirens wear.
• I would talk about his band's lyrical content, but again, I've never heard a song by Asking Alexandria. They probably play so loud that it drowns out the vocals, anyway, and I don't think Mr. Bruce sings.
• He'll probably be at Warped Tour this year.